This is Just Gray

He's such an asshole. My head feels like someone stuck it in a vice, I'm tired, the smokes are almost gone. He won't even tell me what the fuck he was doing at all hours of the damn morning in the rain.  No blog today. I was gonna do something, I had some ideas jotted down, an AMA or like a random topic chat or something, but I feel like crap. I just don't think I can put a face on right now.  The Garrus video is pretty much ready, so I have something to give folks at least. I think I'm just gonna get my blanket and watch the news nice and loud aside from that. He wants to talk he says, and I really don't have any interest in hearing what he has to say right now.

Work's been bad, but definitely some progress on the whole sleep thing. Setting multiple alarms did the trick, and going to bed early helps. I don't fall asleep right away, but that's not really a big deal; lol I don't actually remember a point when I ever fell asleep easily.  So long as I'm in bed and resting, I at least fall asleep faster than when I was sitting up watching the news 'till all hours. And my brain feels a little less noisy when I do lay down, which I'm sure doesn't hurt anything. Nothing really to blog about tonight, things have been pretty uneventful, and with work being so hectic I haven't had time to plan out that tour thing. I know I wanna do it, but I don't want it to be just random wandering around town. I wanna make something that folks will like, and that definitely isn't it. I'm pretty much done my Garrus video, though. It's taken a bit longer than expected because I keep having to interrupt it for work, but ...

Success! The alarms worked last night. :) I set four, and I slept through the first two, but I woke up on the third and was still out of bed by the time I wanted to be. Feeling great; got a bunch of work done today and almost got myself back on track. Did some more doodling, really enjoying the new art program. All in all a great day, here's to a great week! 

So it turns out I may not have been sleeping through the alarm all this time. Set it for 1 p.m. today and didn't wake up until six. When I did my phone was across the room, on my chair by the closet, and the alarm had been shut off. So apparently I did wake up, and must have shut it off and gone to the bathroom or something. I literally don't remember doing that at all but I must have been too out of it. I'm just gonna set a bunch of alarms this time and that way even if I do shut it off in a sleep stupor, the next one will just go off a few minutes later.

 Also, one more note to self, before I forget: Remember to bring the notebook to bed at night (or morning, whenever we get to sleep). More intense dreaming but couldn't remember anything within a couple minutes of getting up. Gotta remember to write them down right away next time, should be excellent for art ideas.

Slept through the alarm, again. Gonna set like three tonight and see if that does the trick. This cold or whatever isn't helping, I sleep a lot but just stay tired all the time. Getting back on a day schedule should help, the lack of sunlight probably isn't doing any good, either. Am awake for now, though, so may as well get to work. Still no ideas for the blog other than the neighbourhood tour, and honestly not even really sure how to go about that. The little area I live in really isn't all that interesting. I'll figure something out. I've got Clip Studio going now, and I'm actually enjoying doing art again for the first time in a while. Maybe I could do an art stream? I always did that through Picarto, though, would have to see how well it would work on Youtube. But yeah, time to get to work.

 Another note to self: been reading through other blogs to get ideas for content and such, and found a neat one that talks about folklore and stuff. Reminder to sit down and go through the other entries sometime. the hooded man

 That twenty four hour sleeping stint recharged my batteries a bit, but I think I may have to take a day off soon, regardless. Whatever bug has had me feeling sick and gross for the past couple of weeks hasn't quite gone away, and the sleep didn't really seem to actually make me any less tired. I'll do that soon, but I have to get a bit more stuff done first. I know I said this space was supposed to be for avoiding the topic of work, but I don't think anyone is actually reading this anyway. And besides, I won't really talk talk about work. The news of that suicide and the way the media is handling it just has me feeling a way, I guess. It just feels like trying to go against the current constantly at this point. No matter how much I try to do what I can, it feels like I'm not making any difference, even with the people immediately around me. I decided to take on journalism on top of the art because I cared about it, it isn't like it pays anything worthwhile ...

Got finished work pretty late today, and decided to do some reading before bed. Happened across a little article discussing a concept called the Law of Three. It's 4 a.m. but note to self to finish reading later, it's been pretty neat so far. the law of three

The sleeping finally caught up with me, almost twenty four hours in bed, slept straight through the alarm. T_T I guess I needed it but not stoked about missing a full day.  Note to self: remember to make a proper entry here tonight, gotta do this properly if I'm gonna do it at all.

"do yoυ reмeмвer, love,  тнe нearтвreaĸ oғ love?  noтнιng now вυт мυѕιc oғ тнe nιgнт;  ѕтιll, ι'м ғorever ιn love.  a lover wιтн a ғaυlт;  тнιѕ lover wιтн a ғaυlт.  allow ιт and yoυ wιll нave ιт;  allow ιт and love wιll вe.  do yoυ reмeмвer тнe тιмe wнen yoυ were ѕaтιѕғιed?  do yoυ reмeмвer тнe тιмe wнen yoυ were laυgнιng?  тнe world ιѕ wonderғυl,  ιғ yoυ вelιeve ιn ιт.  ѕo тυrn yoυr ғace тowardѕ lιғe,  and тнe conѕтanт нappιneѕѕ ιn oυr мιdѕт.  wнaт нappened тo тнoѕe dayѕ?  wнaт нappened тo тнoѕe nιgнтѕ?  do yoυ reмeмвer тнe тιмe wнen yoυ were ѕorrowғυl?  do yoυ reмeмвer тнe тιмe ѕpenт ғorever cryιng тearѕ?  waѕ ιт мe or yoυ aт ғaυlт?  ғeelιng υѕed and loѕт;  wнy тнe ғιgнтιng and cryιng oғ тearѕ?  тнere ιѕ вeaυтy ιn тнe world,  ιғ yoυ ѕeeĸ ιт oυт.  тнere ιѕ joyoυѕ wonder ιn тнe world;  leт'ѕ ѕeeĸ ιт oυт."

 Another all-nighter. My schedule's pretty much reverted back to being nocturnal and that's not awesome. I keep meaning to get myself back on track, but of course it never happens. I had work to finish; what matters is that I got it all done. I didn't have anywhere to be today or anyone to see, so it hardly matters if I snooze through daylight.  I am tired, though.

I am water. Fluid, adaptable, constantly in motion; I was always led to believe that setting lines and rules and structures was against my nature. Go with the flow, was the premise of the philosophy. That's how we would thrive, they said. Water flows over and under and through all obstacles eventually; the tiniest openings or advantages will let it in, and it will fill and move into whatever spaces it needs to until this can be achieved. It laughs and dances in the streams, but will also roar and crumble the cliffside. And certainly, we've watched and known people who take to this existence as naturally as breathing, and it suits them well. But we've learned that water is also mist and fog. Water still, but more like air in practice; intangible, detached, and fleeting. Mist is quiet, watchful, separated from the heaviness of the world. It comes for a short time, stays as long as it desires, and is gone in a breath. We've known people who were more like mist, unconcern...

Didn't crash until like 12:30 in the afternoon, but got lots of work done beforehand. Got a little sleep afterwards, still feeling sort of exhausted, but also feeling productive, so that's a win!

Since I guess I can't upload blog videos straight to this place, I went ahead and made a separate YouTube for it. Lol 'cause I didn't have enough media crap to keep track of already. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC56X7nWlIODWIhhWhCZ-Wiw

Just some photos I like, since I guess this is the place for it.

 Oh, got back to doing the whole journaling thing, as well, sort of. I wouldn't really call them proper entries, but I was told it's more important to just get something on the page, so it's a start.  Maybe I'll post some of it at some point, if there's anything good to share.

First post, guess we're gonna try out the blog thing, had it suggested that it might be a good outlet. Feels sort of weird honestly, because I'm so used to talking about something , you know?  Politics or the news or something .  I have no idea what to talk about. It's almost autumn, that's really nice. Not a big fan of the summer, much prefer the fall. It's prettier, and you can start to smell winter.